How to Screw Up Doing a Good Thing

I did something I'm not proud of yesterday.

As I'm sure you've heard, 40 Days for Life started last week. My city is one of those participating.

I've been pretty pro-life fired up as of late. God's been laying on my heart pretty hard with this issue. One night, as J was driving me home, I was half asleep but still telling him about all the terrible statistics I heard (like 5000 a year in my city are aborted. My city has just over 1 million people). So finally yesterday I decided I would venture out and join the prayer vigil in front of the clinic.

The sign up sheet made me physically hurt. Most of it was red (no volunteers) with a slot here or there that a single person had taken. So I signed up for an hour that I could squeeze in, in between class and choir practice.

First of all I was extremely late. There was something funny going on, like every road I tried to go on was blocked with construction, or I would turn the wrong way. Finally I just had to pray to God that He could get me out of there. I figured it wasn't just a coincidence that it was so hard to get there.

Then, for some reason I parked really far away. As I was walking the four blocks, I ran into someone I knew.

She's not a close friend, she's the fiancee of one of J's good friends. I didn't know what side of the fence she falls down on for abortion. The first question out of her mouth: "What are you doing here?' It's a fairly reasonable question. The clinic is not close to my home, nor my school. It is however, close to J's work. So the next words out of my mouth? "I'm just waiting for J."

As she walked away, I was just struck by sadness. Pure and utter disgust with myself. Why was I so afraid to share the real reason I was there? Was I so afraid of her opinion that I was willing to lie about it?

On the positive side, I went and stood there alone, showing the abortion clinic workers that we do care what they do in there. My rosary challenge has also been going well, I haven't missed one yet!

And next time someone asks where I'm going: I will not lie.

40 Day Rosary Challenge

As I think I mentioned before, I'm part of the Lifeteen Core for my parish this year. Sunday's night was called "Give it Away Now: The Oh Baby Edition". Basically we were collecting items for our local pregnancy crisis centre and educating the teens about abortion.

It was kind of perfect timing because 40 days for life starts on Tuesday. I think I fired up at least a few of them with the stats such as over 5000 abortions happen each year in our city alone (Our city has less than 1 million people so that's kind of a big deal). We also talked about the fact that being pro-life just makes sense. This might be politically incorrect to say so, but life, human life, trumps any sort of choice I make. Why do humans suddenly become valuable only after birth?

When I was in summer school I met a guy named Dan. Dan and his girlfriend are pregnant, and their baby is due in December. The fact that he seemed excited, even though he was a bit scared, was heartwarming. Then one day he was talking about his baby and a girl named Amanda came in halfway through the conversation. The conversation went something like this:

Picture taken from
a great Rosary and Chaplet homebased business

A: "Oh, you had your baby?"
D: "No, he's due in December."
A: "Oh, I thought you said you were a dad."
D: "...I am a Dad, he's just not born yet."

Fatherhood begins in the womb. Dan loves that baby boy. Why does it make any difference if that baby is inside or outside of the womb? Motherhood begins in the womb too. Why does a few months mean the possible difference between life and death for a human being?

So I challenged the teens, and now I'm challenging you. Whoever reads this blog, or this post or whatever. I challenged the teens to spend the next 40 days (coinciding with 40 days for life!) praying a Rosary everyday for the unborn and all the women and men who feel so desperate that they have to kill their child. I also said that if the Rosary feels too daunting, they can say a decade, or even a single Hail Mary. But if we can join our voices to the ones outside the abortion clinics now, I think we can change everything. We can rehumanize the unborn, and save lives.

Something I thought was fitting: I will be praying my daily Rosary on my baby pink Rosary I've had since I was born. It's the only Rosary I have, so it's not like I can use anything else. But still, it fits.

Babies and Selfishness

I get a bit sad when well-meaning Catholics say that marriage and parenthood isn't a vocation, that the only "real" vocation is that to religious life or the priesthood.

But in reality, I think a vocation is the major life shaper that is going to break you out of your selfishness so you can more fully follow God. But so many people don't see marriage that way, and with the ever evolving reproductive technology people have decided that kids are something that are meant to better fulfil themselves. Don't feel like you're "ready" to have a child yet? There's a pill for that. Did the pill fail? Don't worry, they can "get rid of it" for you. Did you wait too late to start a family and now you're not getting pregnant as easily as you hoped? In-vitro fertilization (IVF) works great!

Now, because of IVF, which has a high chance of producing multiple pregnancies at once, there is another way to micromanage your fertility. It's called "reducing" a pregnancy, and basically doctors abort all but one or two of the fetus' in utero. The link is to a New York Times article about the procedure.

A couple of quotes that really stood out for me in the article:

"I was right to be afraid [to have twins]. Studies report enormous disruption in families with multiples, and higher levels of social isolation, exhaustion and depression in mothers of twins. The incessant demands of caring for two same-aged babies eclipse the needs of other children and the marriage. It certainly did for us. There’s no doubt that life with twins and a third child so close in age has often felt all-consuming and out of control. And yet the thought of not having any one of them is unbearable now, because they are no longer shadowy fetuses but full-fledged human beings whom I love in a huge and aching way."

I feel like this is true for many people. Once they carry a baby to term they realise that the babies truly are people, not just ideas of people as they sometimes are perceived in the womb.

“In an environment where you can have so many choices, you own the outcome in a way that you wouldn’t have, had the choices not existed. If reduction didn’t exist, women wouldn’t worry that by not reducing, they’re at fault for making life more difficult for their existing kids. In an odd way, having more choices actually places a much greater burden on women, because we become the creators of our circumstance, whereas, before, we were the recipients of them. I’m not saying we should have less choices; I’m saying choices are not always as liberating and empowering as we hope they will be.”

This isn't the first time that this sentiment has been expressed. Studies have shown that compared with women in the 1970s, the overall happiness of women is declining. We have gotten ourselves into a society where it is difficult to raise a family on one salary (although it is definitely done), and women don't like it. Most of my friends say that if they can afford it, they would like to stay home with their kids. Then they almost feel guilty for saying it, as if it is selfish to want to raise your kids yourself. I will argue that it is less selfish to do without things so your children can be raised by yourself. I'm not saying women have to stay home. But, they sure should not feel guilty for wanting to stay home.

Choices give us control. Control over things that we shouldn't necessarily have control over. When we can micromanage aspects of our lives we start to feel a sense of entitlement, and then that selfishness that lives inside all of us comes out. It just breaks my heart that babies die for it.