Make Me an Instrument of Your Peace

Do you ever have those moments where, when you look back on them, you can't even remember what you were thinking at the time, in a good way? Like something or Someone else had taken you over for awhile to accomplish something amazing?

I had that on Saturday night. As I mentioned in the most recent quick takes, I went on a Youth retreat as a Lifeteen Core member with a bunch of grade 9-12s. Now, I think Lifeteen gets a bad rap sometimes; yes, sometimes parishes can do Lifeteen badly, and you end up splitting the Church, and teaching liturgical abuse to teens. But I really like it in my Parish. We have people across all age groups that attend our 6pm Sunday Mass, music that, while it isn't Gregorian Chant, is not "I'm Trading My Sorrows (Say What?)", and a bunch of really fantastic teenagers who are (hopefully) learning a bunch.

We had 35 people from 14-31 years old--the thirty-somethings being our Youth Minister and our Priest--bunk down at a camp over the weekend. We talked about St. Paul and his conversion experience. How he had to give a lot of things up. How neither the Jews, nor the Christians (at first anyways) wanted him. How, after he got literally knocked to the ground by God, he still had to make the same choice to follow Him the next day.

So I told them my story. Except, it wasn't really me doing the talking. I had next to nothing written down, but my talk was smooth and coherent, and they were all listening. It was the Holy Spirit. So now I'm praying that my story can help some of those kids not make the same choices I made. Choices like pre-marital sex at 16. Choices like choosing boys over friends. Choices like choosing partying over everything else, just to fill the emptiness. Choices like thinking that a human boy could fill the hole in my heart that only God can fill.

Those were my choices. I'm grateful and filled with joy to say that those are not the choices that I make now. I got "knocked down" by God when he used a radio ad to bring me to the Evangelical church, which He used to finally get me to see that He is so in love with me, that He just wants to be with me. But it was a struggle to go against my old ways, a struggle that I continue to do everyday. But still, those choices are part of who I was. Who I am. My heart is glad at the thought that they can be used to make someone else's path a bit straighter.

Romans 8:28 - "God works all things to the good for those who love Him, and who are called according to His purpose."

I pray that this is the good that came out of those things in my past.

7 Quick Takes: The Puzzlement Episode

--- 1 ---

I'm not entirely sure where I lie on the whole headcovering issue. I don't think that I will be covering anytime soon, but I don't think I would be encountering the sort of hostility that other Catholic blogger's encounter. In fact, as the temperature has dropped down below 0 (Celsius), I've seen a staggering amount of girls using scarves as toques, face coverings and neck coverings all in one. Not to mention that there is a large International population at school, and many of those women cover and most people don't bat an eye. I wonder if the change is the fact that I'm in Canada and not the States? Or is it just the University social climate?

--- 2 ---

Speaking of temperature change, can anyone tell me what the Fahrenheit system is based on? I don't get it. Obviously, both Fahrenheit and Celsius are arbitrary numbering systems, but Celsius makes sense to me. Water freezes at 0 and boils at 100. Everything else just falls in between, which makes normal body temperature the awkward number 37. Although that's not as awkward as the 98.6 that Fahrenheit is.

--- 3 ---

Also, I realize I could just google the answer, but what fun would that be?

--- 4 ---

It's amazing how Google has take over the world. When I was young (wow, I feel old saying that), the internet was just starting out, and you had a variety of search engines like Mozilla and Spidercrawler.

--- 5 ---

I obviously have troubles walking because yesterday I split my third (THIRD!) pair of jeans, in less than a month, in the inner thigh. I think I have to learn to walk without my thighs touching... or I need to buy stronger jeans.

--- 6 ---

Our Lifeteen Winter Retreat starts today at 6! I'd be more excited if I didn't have a mountain of work to do before classes end next week. But really, it should be a very good weekend. Please keep the teens in your prayers while we talk to them about the need to make the decision, every single day, to follow Christ.

--- 7 ---

Something to get you in the Advent season! I got goosebumps when I listened to it.

Ave Maria, gratia plena Dominus tecum, Benedicta tu in mulieribus Et benedictus fructus ventris tui, Jesus Sancta Maria, Mater Dei Ora pro nobis peccatoribus Nunc et in hora mortis nostrae, Amen

Hail Mary, full of grace The LORD is with thee Blessed art thous amongst women And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus Holy Mary, Mother of God Pray for us sinners Now and at the hour of our death, Amen

By the way, I didn't know that Ave Maria was the Hail Mary until a few months ago... Happy Friday!

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at Conversion Diary!

7 Quick Takes: The Procrastination Episode

Most of my school assignments involve using a computer. Being on a computer means it's really tempting to just click on that little internet button. Being on the internet (even if I try and tell myself it's JUST to check email), means procrastination. So here are some sites that I like to procrastinate with. Some are blogs, some are recipe sites, all are distracting.

--- 1 ---

Obviously my number one time wasters would be checking email, and checking facebook. Checking email is slightly less hazardous as when your inbox is empty, it's pretty hard to keep looking at email. Unless I go back and read some sweet email J sent or something. Not that I save those though... 

Facebook. Well. Does anybody need to be told of the wonderful powers of procrastination that Facebook holds? I could do my assignment... OR, I could creep pictures of my best friend from grade three. I think the answer is obvious, don't you?

--- 2 ---

Something I came across just on Wednesday is going to be my new best internet friend. It is called ziplist.com, and it is amazing. Basically the idea is you can look up recipes on it (they're partnered with many food blogs and recipe sites) and add them to your recipe box. You can also install the ziplist button on your browser and click it for ANY recipe on the web. It catalog the ingredients for you and save the location of the recipe. THEN, when you're picking meals for the week, you can just click on the recipe, and add it to your shopping list!!!! If that weren't enough, it's smart enough to know that if a recipe calls for something like flour, that you probably already have it, so it asks first if you need it. Amazing, right?

--- 3 ---

The very first blog I ever followed was Cam at A Woman's Place. She is a Catholic convert (like so many Catholic bloggers...) and she posts often about her children, her marriage and the difficulties of living Catholic faith in our world. She also operates three Etsy stores.

I'm at that creepy point where I feel like I know her, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't read this blog (actually, I'm not sure that anyone really reads this blog besides maybe Katie at NFP and Me and J...). But I really love reading about her life (and the creepiness continues... moving on!)

--- 4 ---

Bad Catholic. Marc Barnes is freaking hilarious. He makes up words like conflibbergating, and badassery, and shows the amazing awesomeness of the Catholic faith. Plus, I always learn things in his posts (did you know that Catholics had a specific blessing for beer? I didn't!). Love it!

--- 5 ---

Food blogs in general. I always go on food blogs with the procrastination excuse that I'm "just looking quickly for a good recipe for... (insert not fancy occasion here)". Except then I always end up on the dessert blogs, which is usually not what I actually need a recipe for. Although, I am slightly annoyed with the fact that there have been Thanksgiving recipes on ALL the food blogs for a month. Because Thanksgiving was a month ago up here in the cold, and I don't have any turkey to try those delicious looking ways to use up my leftovers.

--- 6 ---

I stumbled on this next blog through, actually, I don't remember how I stumbled on to this blog. But it's one of my favourites. Her name is Rachel. She isn't Catholic (gasp!) but she is sooo funny. She has a knack for turning the time that her entire family came down with the stomach flu into pure entertainment. She's also convinced me that Mom jeans are the worst thing a woman can ever do to herself. Her blog is called Grasping for Objectivity... in my Subjective Life.

--- 7 ---

Finally, take number seven. I haven't spent as much time on this last one since I discovered that reading blogs was a much better way to get insights into other people's lives, but I still do frequent the Catholic Answers Forums (aka. CAF). Although some of it makes me cringe, with the way people snipe at each other, there are good conversations that happen, and it can be very informative. 

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at Conversion Diary!

Hark! A Post!

I have determined that blogging is harder than it looks. Where do you people have TIME to come up with anything to write at all, much less things I actually want to read?

I apologize for my extended absence. School has been super stressful lately with project, after project.

But enough of my complaining. I'm going to ease back into blogging with a short and sweet post about humility.

So yesterday, I took the bus home from school. My bus ride happens to be an hour long. I'm just glad that most of the time I can catch a ride to school with my Dad. Driving only takes 1/2 an hour.

I normally can't do much reading or anything on the bus without feeling sick, so I take the bus time to just close my eyes, and chill out to some music. But yesterday the bus was very full. Apparently many other students who live near me have class that ends at 3. At least that's what I gather from the fact that there are TWO long extend-y buses that leave at the same time.

Not actually my bus, but a very similar one to it. 

I had to stop by the library quick after class and so had to run to the bus. I got on as it started to move and sat in the only available seat. 

Sitting beside me was a familiar face. With a wistful goodbye to my iPod and nap time I turned towards him to say hi. 

You know those people that you have met a few times, and even talked to once or twice, but that you never actually seek out their company for whatever reason? That was my bus mate. For an hour long trip. But I tried. I asked him how his fraternity was doing, we talked about classes that we had both taken, we talked about how long the bus ride was.... you get the idea. About half way through the trip I started mentally scripting this blog post, congratulating myself on how I was going to show everyone how if you just reach outside of your comfort zone to someone else once in awhile you can really make a world of difference.

Then I realized that during the silence of my mental blog post writing, that he had pulled out his phone and was doing a sudoku puzzle. Ah, irony: one of the many ways that God keeps us humble.

It was OK though. We had talked enough that it was fine to sit in (slightly awkward) companionable silence. I even felt comfortable enough to pull out that iPod and slightly lower my eyelids. 

There, that didn't take that long! I promise I will try doing posts more often from now on! 

Being Discriminating

I woke up this morning to this story on the morning radio. For those who don't like to follow links, I'll summarize. Essentially, there is a professional hockey player who is being accused of racism because he dressed up as the rapper Jay-Z for Halloween, complete with make-up to make his skin darker.

NHL player Raffi Torres in costume
with his girlfriend

Honestly?! Racism? I think his costume is great. He looks a lot like Jay-Z, and he is a self-professed "big fan", so I doubt he was doing anything to make Jay-Z look bad. People dress as celebrities all the time for Halloween; just because they're of a different skin colour, does that automatically make them off-limits?

This points to a larger trend that I've been seeing, not only with skin colour, but with gender/sex as well. It seems that people are so careful to be seen as accepting and tolerant, that they try to pretend that differences don't exist at all, even ones as evident as skin colour.

I've had people tell me that I'm being racist, or that I'm discriminating when I am describing someone and I mention their skin colour. Literally, I was describing a girl going through sorority recruitment to one of the members of my sorority. I described the girl as black, with huge curly hair, and my sorority sister called me racist.

Why don't we take a journey through the dictionary to see if I was racist.

racism (from World Dictionary at Dictionary.com)

—noun

1. the belief that races have distinctive cultural characteristics determined by hereditary factors and that this endows some races with an intrinsic superiority over others

2. abusive or aggressive behaviour towards members of another race on the basis of such a belief 

Based on this dictionary definition, I was not being racist. To merely point out a difference does not imply superiority in any way. While we've got the dictionary open, why don't we look up another one of those great insults - "you're discriminating."

discriminate (from dictionary.com)

verb (used without object)

1.

to make a distinction in favor of or against a person or thing on the basis of the group, class, or category to which the person or thing belongs rather than according to actual merit; show partiality.

2.

to note or observe a difference; distinguish accurately.

verb (used with object)

3.

to make or constitute a distinction in or between; differentiate.

4.

to note or distinguish as different.

So, according to this definition, it can imply two different things. The first definition, most people would agree is wrong. You should look at each person as an individual. However, it is perfectly valid to point out differences.

Look at men and women. To discriminate against a women in the sense of the first definition would be to say that "you're a woman, all women belong in the kitchen, therefore, you belong in the kitchen." This is not taking into account who that woman is at all; maybe she is called to religious life, or single life. To be discriminating in the other three definitions would be to say "You're a woman. You are different than a man." Pointing out differences does not mean that you are decrying said differences.

So just like some people would like to pretend that skin colours are all the same, people would like to pretend that men and women are the same. News flash, they're not. Ladies, being different from a man is not the same as being less valuable than a man.

My University President got in HUGE trouble from a large sector of the student population when she made a remark that she is advocating for white males. She made that remark because there are more women than men in the University and more non-white men than white men. She didn't mean to say that she is advocating for white men at the expense of women and minority groups. She herself is a non-white woman who holds an engineering degree among others and is one of the highest earning University Presidents in Canada.

Along the same vein, I was part of a program in high school geared towards helping women go into non-traditional career paths (like engineering, technology and science). Now I'm a music major in an education degree, who wants to be a stay-at-home-mom. Not exactly blazing new trails, but it's what I want to do, and what I believe God is calling me to.

Differences are great. God created us to be wonderful in whoever we are. The only thing He calls for us to be the same in, is that we are all called to be Saints.

7 Quick Takes: The Random Episode

--- 1 ---

My brother is normally a fairly reserved kind of guy. But when he's got Adele playing while he's in the shower he likes to belt it out. It makes me laugh. Especially when he gets to the high notes. 

--- 2 ---

I feel hope whenever I see someone pay special attention to showing reverence to the Eucharist.

--- 3 ---

I've been taking a Zumba class with a few of my friends. It's so much fun, but it is for sure a huge workout. For those of you who haven't heard of it, it's basically a dance class. But instead of learning a routine you basically repeat the same steps over and over. And the steps usually include something like squats or lunges. I have a class tonight; I love that it's an all girls class too, so I don't have to be self-conscious of "shaking it" in front of men.

--- 4 ---

Marc Barnes over at BadCatholic, has been doing a bit of a series on pornography. Which is exactly the topic of our next Lifeteen issue night. I expect I might have a thing or two to say when we get closer to it. 

--- 5 ---

It was my Dad's 50th birthday on Monday. Happy Birthday Dad!

This actually describes my Dad fairly accurately

--- 6 ---

On a slightly more somber note, my Grandpa starts chemo for cancer on Halloween. Any prayers are appreciated!

--- 7 ---

It's Halloween on Monday! I'm going to a party on Saturday since J is out of town, but my friend and I are going together. I am hoping to look something like this: 

except you know, with more clothes. So really, I just want my hair to look like that. 

For more Quick Takes, visit Jen at Conversion Diary!

Learning how to Smile and Nod

Why is it so hard to take criticism? There's an automatic gut reaction that I get whenever someone tries to correct me. It's that darn pride that tries to say "You don't need correction." But if you follow that thought to the logical conclusion, it breaks down. You're really saying "You don't need correction... you're perfect." Which automatically should ring a couple bells.

I don't know about you, but I find it even harder to be gracious when it's a peer who is trying to help you out.

I'm taking a choral conducting course for my Bachelor of Education, Music Major degree. I walked into class today with a spring in my step, having gone to the gym this morning, and then had a very productive homework session. I felt on top of my school work and thought that I was finally settling into this semester (halfway through the semester, but you know, what does that matter?).

I walked in and asked the Professor "Do we need the textbook today?" as I had enough time to go get it if we did.

"No" she assured me with a smile. "Oh wait, there's the three people doing their conducting assignments for today!"

I exited the classroom with a little less spring and a bit more trepidation. I was, in fact, one of those three who was supposed to conduct today. Had I prepared? Nope.

It becomes my turn and she corrects me more than any of the others, but I figure it's what I deserve after not even looking at the thing. Of course, it hurt the ego a bit, especially considering that my prof in my other conducting class tells me that I do good things and so I was starting to think that I knew what I was doing with this conducting stuff.

Well, the good Lord always enjoys finding ways to keep us humble. I just wish it didn't sting so much.

This is exactly what I feel like sometimes

To add a bit more salt to my wounded ego, a guy named Colin approached me after class. Colin already has a music degree and is now doing an after degree in Education. He starts telling me that I might do better if I keep a strong stance, rather than allowing myself to lean forward to get the feeling. Which I know is something I need to work on.

But then he told me the same thing in five different ways.

Thank you Lord for giving me what I need, which is not more food for my ego.

I just have to remind myself that he means well, and that he is making valid points.

Except there's that one part of me that's going "What right does HE have to tell me what to do."

Does anyone else feel like a split personality sometimes?

Anyways, aren't you guys proud of me for posting on a day other then Friday? ...there goes that pride again...

7 Quick Takes: The Musical Episode

First off, I apologize for my extreme lack of posting. I'm in the middle of midterm season. And speaking of seasons....

Brr. It's starting to get chilly here. I actually had to scrape the windows of my (I mean my brother's) car this morning. I don't mind it right now, it makes the air feel all crisp and clean. But I don't like being cold. I really don't like being cold. And I live in a place where it will be -20 degrees (that's celsius for all you American readers!) for about 3-4 months straight with a couple weeks of -35 degrees thrown in for kicks.

Anyways, enough of my complaining. Here are seven songs that make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I hear them. 

--- 1 ---

Roll Away Your Stone - Mumford and Sons
This is the first song of theirs that I really listened to. My favourite line:

It seems as if all my bridges have been burned,
You say that's exactly how this grace thing works.
It's not the long walk home that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive with the restart.

I get chills just from reading the lyrics!

--- 2 ---

Darling It's You - Ray Mailman
Ok, I guarantee 99% of people reading this will not have heard of Ray. He's a local boy from my city; I met him at the Evangelical Church I went to before reverting back to the Catholic Church. I love this song, it is constantly a "Recently Played" song on my iPod. You can hear it at this website. His website is www.raymailman.com. The combination of guitar picking and his super fast lyrics with a sweet sentiment always gets me.

--- 3 ---

Tennessee Me - The Secret Sisters

Listen to this song. Sway back and forth to the gentle guitar pulse. Imagine you're at a country dance and it's a slow one so you can just hold your sweetie a little bit closer.

I'm a big fan of this kind of country music. My family is big on the guitar playing and we always are playing and harmonizing around the campfire. This one just brings back feelings of love and family.

Plus as one youtube commenter put it: "Their voices are like clear blue skies."

--- 4 ---

Something Stupid - Frank and Nancy Sinatra
I literally spent hours trying to learn how to sing this song by ear. The contrast between her alto voice and his clear tenor is just amazing. The parts where she is singing lower than him give me chills. Plus Frank Sinatra is one of the great crooners of the past century.

--- 5 ---

Defying Gravity - Cast of Wicked
I love musical theatre. I would love it if we could actually express our feelings through singing. This version is the Original Broadway Version of Wicked and has Idina Menzal and Kristen Chenoweth playing Elphaba and Glinda, respectively. I love the parts where they go into harmony, wishing the best for each other. Also, when Idina puts on her power voice I am always astounded.

--- 6 ---

Beautiful, Beautiful - Francesca Battistelli

This song haunted me for weeks after I first heard it. Especially because I didn't know the artist yet and couldn't find it. She is one of the best parts of Christian radio today. Her voice is real and doesn't have any of the auto-tune... stuff.... that other Christian artists use in order to reach the masses

--- 7 ---

Then - Brad Paisley

Sigh. I love most of his songs, but this one always gets me thinking about a certain someone...

I promise that I will get better at posting more regularly! But I need to go to class now, so for more Quick Takes, visit Jen and friends at Conversion Diary!

7 Quick Takes: Smile-making

Hi all, hope your Friday is going well and your weekend goes even better.

I've witnessed some pretty heavy things in the past week (look for a post soon about it!) so I thought I would do my quick takes on things that make you smile. Hopefully it makes you smile too! Without further ado, in no particular order:

--- 1 ---

The sun peeking through the clouds. When I was little I thought that it was the angels beaming through them. Which may have more truth to it than I realize.

--- 2 ---

Pride and Prejudice. I've seen this particular movie version (the Keira Knightly one) probably 25 times. I do not kid. There was a time in my second year of University when my best friend and I were living together at the sorority house and we would watch it at least once a week. The end where he says that "you have bewitched me body and soul" and then the very end when he calls her Mrs. Darcy because she's deliriously happy just make me melt a bit inside.

Also, I have read the book, a couple times. But I like my movie Mr. Darcy better. :)

--- 3 ---

Watching toddlers and pre-schoolers toddle their way up to the front of the Church when it's time for offering. My parish has a clear container up at the front and I love watching them go up and put their money in (or sometimes take money out, which their parents quickly correct). Babies in general make me smile, and I get annoyed with people who say they don't belong in Church. There's a good post about this over at BadCatholic .

--- 4 ---

Singing, playing piano, and doing all things musical. Which is a good thing since I'm going to be a music teacher.

--- 5 ---

Tea. I started buying loose tea, and pretty soon had to switch all of our medicines (advil, tylenol, etc.) into an empty medicine cabinet so that I would have enough room in the kitchen cabinet for all my varieties of tea. It's just so comforting.

--- 6 ---

Blog posts by Cam at A Woman's Place. She was the first person I followed, and I just love how she mixes her daily life with thought provoking posts.

--- 7 ---

J. Whether it's cooking with him, talking to him on the phone, or arguing with him, that man always knows how to make me smile. Which is really annoying when I'm trying to argue. 

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!