Bus Musings

Who out there has ever been dumped? (I realize this is an odd question from a girl who just got engaged, and before you jump to conclusions--J and I are still engaged and happily planning both the wedding and the marriage) But seriously, if you've ever been dumped, who has had friends console you (with copious amounts of greasy pizza and (non-greasy) ice cream) with this statement: "He just couldn't accept who you are. You're better off without him."?

You mean I'm too... blonde?!

I know I have experienced all of the above, and I'm hoping sure I'm not alone. I was randomly musing about this on the bus to school this morning. Granted, it was 7 AM (8 AM classes 5, Courtney 0), so I'm not sure my musings made a whole bunch of sense, but I'm going to try and write out my rambling thoughts.

Much of the world says that if a relationship doesn't work out, it's because you couldn't accept each other as you are. We have giant libraries of books targeting pre-teen and teen girls, trying to empower them, telling them that they shouldn't change for boys, or relationships with said boys.

Now I'm not bashing that kind of empowerment, as a good majority of teenage boys are simply not mature enough to have the girl's best interests in mind. But if J didn't try and change me, I would venture to say that he wasn't being a very good husband. The way I see it, the vocation of marriage is a vehicle that God uses to a) make you holy, b) make your spouse holy, c) make your children holy, and d) make everyone who you touch with your life holy. I'm not a saint. I'm trying, but it's a work in progress. Part of J's job as my husband (starting August 18!) is to help change me into saint. So when we tell these teenage girls, for their own good, to remain who they are in the face of relationships, some of that becomes learned a little too well. It is good for a teenage girl to stand her ground when her boyfriend is telling her that sex would make their relationship so much better. It is not so good when a married woman stands her ground and says "I'm not 'mother material', don't try and change me." Note, I'm talking about Godly husbands who desire sainthood for their wives, not men who desire to control or demean their wives.

Part of who I am is who I used to be. This is the unchangeable part that J can't shape, and just has to accept. I thank God that he does accept that lost, Godless girl I used to be, and loves who she became. But part of who I am is who I'm growing to be. This is the part that J is largely going to shape. In fact, he already has.

When J and I first began to date, I strongly disliked cooking, was attending an evangelical church, and had strange liberal ideas about how the Catholic Church had to change to suit me. Now, I love to cook (although he had nothing to do with this directly, I was praying pretty hard that God would prepare me to be a good wife--this is what I got), and I love the Church, the way she is, and I realized that it was I who had to change, not the beautiful Bride of Christ.

Having J in my life has already changed me so much. If I refused to change for him, I would be alone, and my walk with God would be suffering. This is because changing for the man who is to be my husband, so that our relationship can be closer, is a pale shadow of changing for the Ruler of the Universe who desires perfect union with me.