Make Me an Instrument of Your Peace

Do you ever have those moments where, when you look back on them, you can't even remember what you were thinking at the time, in a good way? Like something or Someone else had taken you over for awhile to accomplish something amazing?

I had that on Saturday night. As I mentioned in the most recent quick takes, I went on a Youth retreat as a Lifeteen Core member with a bunch of grade 9-12s. Now, I think Lifeteen gets a bad rap sometimes; yes, sometimes parishes can do Lifeteen badly, and you end up splitting the Church, and teaching liturgical abuse to teens. But I really like it in my Parish. We have people across all age groups that attend our 6pm Sunday Mass, music that, while it isn't Gregorian Chant, is not "I'm Trading My Sorrows (Say What?)", and a bunch of really fantastic teenagers who are (hopefully) learning a bunch.

We had 35 people from 14-31 years old--the thirty-somethings being our Youth Minister and our Priest--bunk down at a camp over the weekend. We talked about St. Paul and his conversion experience. How he had to give a lot of things up. How neither the Jews, nor the Christians (at first anyways) wanted him. How, after he got literally knocked to the ground by God, he still had to make the same choice to follow Him the next day.

So I told them my story. Except, it wasn't really me doing the talking. I had next to nothing written down, but my talk was smooth and coherent, and they were all listening. It was the Holy Spirit. So now I'm praying that my story can help some of those kids not make the same choices I made. Choices like pre-marital sex at 16. Choices like choosing boys over friends. Choices like choosing partying over everything else, just to fill the emptiness. Choices like thinking that a human boy could fill the hole in my heart that only God can fill.

Those were my choices. I'm grateful and filled with joy to say that those are not the choices that I make now. I got "knocked down" by God when he used a radio ad to bring me to the Evangelical church, which He used to finally get me to see that He is so in love with me, that He just wants to be with me. But it was a struggle to go against my old ways, a struggle that I continue to do everyday. But still, those choices are part of who I was. Who I am. My heart is glad at the thought that they can be used to make someone else's path a bit straighter.

Romans 8:28 - "God works all things to the good for those who love Him, and who are called according to His purpose."

I pray that this is the good that came out of those things in my past.

How to Screw Up Doing a Good Thing

I did something I'm not proud of yesterday.

As I'm sure you've heard, 40 Days for Life started last week. My city is one of those participating.

I've been pretty pro-life fired up as of late. God's been laying on my heart pretty hard with this issue. One night, as J was driving me home, I was half asleep but still telling him about all the terrible statistics I heard (like 5000 a year in my city are aborted. My city has just over 1 million people). So finally yesterday I decided I would venture out and join the prayer vigil in front of the clinic.

The sign up sheet made me physically hurt. Most of it was red (no volunteers) with a slot here or there that a single person had taken. So I signed up for an hour that I could squeeze in, in between class and choir practice.

First of all I was extremely late. There was something funny going on, like every road I tried to go on was blocked with construction, or I would turn the wrong way. Finally I just had to pray to God that He could get me out of there. I figured it wasn't just a coincidence that it was so hard to get there.

Then, for some reason I parked really far away. As I was walking the four blocks, I ran into someone I knew.

She's not a close friend, she's the fiancee of one of J's good friends. I didn't know what side of the fence she falls down on for abortion. The first question out of her mouth: "What are you doing here?' It's a fairly reasonable question. The clinic is not close to my home, nor my school. It is however, close to J's work. So the next words out of my mouth? "I'm just waiting for J."

As she walked away, I was just struck by sadness. Pure and utter disgust with myself. Why was I so afraid to share the real reason I was there? Was I so afraid of her opinion that I was willing to lie about it?

On the positive side, I went and stood there alone, showing the abortion clinic workers that we do care what they do in there. My rosary challenge has also been going well, I haven't missed one yet!

And next time someone asks where I'm going: I will not lie.

40 Day Rosary Challenge

As I think I mentioned before, I'm part of the Lifeteen Core for my parish this year. Sunday's night was called "Give it Away Now: The Oh Baby Edition". Basically we were collecting items for our local pregnancy crisis centre and educating the teens about abortion.

It was kind of perfect timing because 40 days for life starts on Tuesday. I think I fired up at least a few of them with the stats such as over 5000 abortions happen each year in our city alone (Our city has less than 1 million people so that's kind of a big deal). We also talked about the fact that being pro-life just makes sense. This might be politically incorrect to say so, but life, human life, trumps any sort of choice I make. Why do humans suddenly become valuable only after birth?

When I was in summer school I met a guy named Dan. Dan and his girlfriend are pregnant, and their baby is due in December. The fact that he seemed excited, even though he was a bit scared, was heartwarming. Then one day he was talking about his baby and a girl named Amanda came in halfway through the conversation. The conversation went something like this:

Picture taken from
a great Rosary and Chaplet homebased business

A: "Oh, you had your baby?"
D: "No, he's due in December."
A: "Oh, I thought you said you were a dad."
D: "...I am a Dad, he's just not born yet."

Fatherhood begins in the womb. Dan loves that baby boy. Why does it make any difference if that baby is inside or outside of the womb? Motherhood begins in the womb too. Why does a few months mean the possible difference between life and death for a human being?

So I challenged the teens, and now I'm challenging you. Whoever reads this blog, or this post or whatever. I challenged the teens to spend the next 40 days (coinciding with 40 days for life!) praying a Rosary everyday for the unborn and all the women and men who feel so desperate that they have to kill their child. I also said that if the Rosary feels too daunting, they can say a decade, or even a single Hail Mary. But if we can join our voices to the ones outside the abortion clinics now, I think we can change everything. We can rehumanize the unborn, and save lives.

Something I thought was fitting: I will be praying my daily Rosary on my baby pink Rosary I've had since I was born. It's the only Rosary I have, so it's not like I can use anything else. But still, it fits.